Manuel Matos, Clarksville, TN USA/ Santo Domingo, Dominican Republic/ Washington Heights, NY USA
Here in Clarksville, TN you don’t come across many good-looking guys. Manuel Matos (he also goes by Manuel Sanchez, Manny and Manu) is physically gorgeous. He is a very handsome and charming man- and he knows it because he is obsessed with his looks. He is extremely vain and spends more money on clothes, cologne and shoes than any woman! He likes to brag about how his grandmother is from Italy so that’s why he has “good hair and light skin”- his words not mine. He has beautiful, warm brown eyes, soft hands and the most charming smile. He has a very sexy spanish (Dominican) accent and is one of the funniest people you will ever meet. He keeps to himself usually and that fools people into thinking he’s shy but he isn’t. He’s very hairy, which I find to be adorable… he does however have a smaller than average penis BUT you can completely overlook it because he makes up for it in other areas. He’s smart and at first he seems very caring. Initially he seems like the best man you’ll ever meet… but he has no feelings. He’s callous and he’s a liar. He’s such a liar and a thief (he shoplifts just for the sake of shoplifting, not because he can’t afford to buy things since he lives off of his family) and as I’m typing this I’m shaking my head because the things he lies about are so ridiculous. He lies about his family, he lies about his past and his accomplishments. He makes up the most stupid and unnecessary stories just to make himself look better when he really doesn’t need to. He’s a great person… or at least he was at first. But it only took 8 months for things to completely fall apart.
He was so attentive, he always made time for you no matter what he was doing he’d always be there for you if you need something. He would text all hours of the day or night just to say hi and see what you were doing. He always paid for everything when we would go out to eat or to the movies. He actually got mad one time when I paid and told me I better not ever do that with him again. He was just so sweet at first, always making time for you, always making you feel like you mattered.. you couldn’t help but fall for him. He would always tell you that he loved you all the time and that he was glad to have you around because you make his days better… and I hate that I’m tearing up while writing this… We would see each other almost everyday… he always had a way of putting a smile on your face.. and anytime I was sad or down I would talk to him and he’d make me feel so much better. I trusted him and I don’t ever trust anyone… He made me feel safe.
I’m sorry if I seem to be confused or if I’m gushing over him too much. Truthfully I miss him… I think about him a lot and I keep looking back trying to figure out how things went so wrong. And I still want him around to be a part of my life… eventhough he lied to me about the other girls he was seeing (and when I would question him he would say it was none of my business and he can have friends… but it turned out that they were much more than friends). Eventhough he had begun to be physically abusive (he never hit me, he just used to hurt me and bruise me. The way he would grab me or twist my arm or pinch me when I did or said things he didn’t like and he wouldn’t let go until I said sorry.. at first I didn’t think anything of it… I didn’t think it was abuse until I talked to my friends after he left about it and they said that it was the beginning signs of something bad) and eventhough he gave me genital warts and never even told me he had it… eventhough some of the gift he gave me, he had previously given to other girls.. eventhough he broke up with me through a text message and refused to talk to me face to face. Eventhough he’s made several jokes about killing me and dumping my body in the woods and no one would ever know (which I took as a joke the first 4 or 5 times he brought it up but the more often he would say it the more it made me wonder..) Even with all of that I still miss him and wish that we could be friends but he hates me because I embarrassed him at his job freaking out and screaming at him about him giving me warts. And he was just so cold. Telling me that that’s how life is and he’s over us. He quit his job 2 days after that and left the country to go to the Dominican Republic for a month long vacation and a day or two after he got there I started getting prank phone calls from private numbers of someone breathing on the phone. They would never talk. Just breathe. Sometimes as many as 10 calls a day. These calls lasted until a day or two after he got back to the country. I have since changed my number and I have made no attempt to give it to him because… honestly I’m afraid to call him. I was never afraid of him until after we split. But now… while I have so much anger in me that I want to punch him in the face. I want to rip him to shreads for lying to me. I want to scream at him and ask him all of my unanswered questions. Why did you lie to me so much? Why didn’t you tell me you had warts? Did you ever love me? Did I ever matter or was this all a joke to you? Do you realize how much you hurt me??? Do you even care?? And even with all the anger I feel… I also feel sadness. I miss him.. so much. I just wish things had ended differently…
I don’t know if I’ll ever be able to trust anyone again… I just hope that no one else has to go through this.