Kent Grant, Kelowna, BC Canada

My ex-boyfriend is a 43-year-old Black male from the Caribbean, the islands of Trinidad and Tobago. He is manipulative and deceitful. I first met him online and we started dating. In less than a week, he used high-pressure tactics to try to get me to move in to alleviate the cost of his expensive $1,100 a month apartment, which he had signed a lease for. He also had up to $500 a month in bills for utility and hydroelectricity, computer packages, t.v., and phone, etc. He spent a lot of money on eating out and clubbing, considering that he made $15 an hour, and he resented being on call for work and having to accept extra shifts. His job was relatively easy in comparison to many people’s jobs.

Kent pressured me to move in and threatened to sleep with the ‘beautiful and desirable blonde women in his complex’ if I refused to do so, and warned me about the cost of the rent, and how he hated his lease. My mother suspected that he wanted to ditch me in the apartment so as to avoid breaking his lease. I know the last day I saw him that he lectured me on his bills and expenses, and after I broke up with him, he mentioned that he was breaking his lease and returning permanently to Toronto. He had mentioned his desire to regain custody of his two teenage daughters and had planned two long trips to Toronto in October and December of 2012. He wanted me to move in and watch the apartment. He was resentful of my refusal to do so immediately, as I would have to break my rental agreement to do so, which extended to January of 2012. He lacked any sympathy in regards to this matter, and was rather inconsiderate. He also pressure me to become pregnant as quickly as possible, and refused to use the Sponge, spermicide, or condoms, and resented my use of the Pill. He always had an excuse to reject contraception, and I became quite angry at him for this. He told me he would sabotage my contraceptive use by removing the Pill from my purse and I should hide it and be careful, because he would watch to see when I would take it. I had informed him that I wanted to wait at least a year before getting pregnant in any relationship, which he resented. He felt that waiting six months for living together was too long, and that I should become pregnant within six months, or else.

He informed me of the end of his last relationship, an obsessively sexual one, in which they had sex five times a night, watched two hours or porn, and masturbated for hours. He told me of his sex drive, the drive of a sex addict, and how he masturbated two to four hours a night, and expected four hours of sex or more a night. He accused me of cheating on him when he found bruises on my legs from his handling of me during sex, and then admitted that he called his ex all the time, and that he used pornographic websites. He liked to visit stripper bars all the time. He also showed me the hundreds of sleazy emails with requests for sex on his computer from the various websites he used to meet women.

He had odd phone calls from a ‘Christy Johnson’ which were unaccounted for. He told me that a friend of his was after him, along with dozens of beautiful women, and described his ex-girlfriend as his physical ideal. She had dumped him because he refused to move back to Kamloops with her, though she never once made any effort to see him in Kelowna, and refused to rent a car or take a bus down to see him. She resented his insistence on coming up each weekend he had off, and she insisted that he drive every night for two hours there and back to be with her. The woman was obviously spoiled, high-maintenance, and selfish. She demanded that he pay for everything, quit her receptionist job, returned to welfare, and after she dumped him, (there were several screaming matches involved), she took up with his best friend. Still wanted back by Kent, he called her on a regular basis. She kept asking about him and indicated that she wanted him back through his friends, though we were dating at the time.

I found a website, ‘www.fucklocally.com’ on his computer, that popped up inadvertently when I went to use his computer to check my email with his permission. I am not in the habit of checking my boyfriend’s emails. I did call his place on his landline at times when he wasn’t home to see if any woman answered, since his odd scheduling banned me from seeing him for four days in a row, followed by seeing him only Thursday to Sunday. He resented my wish to see my friends and parents, and accused my friends of being corrupted, drug-oriented types, including one of them, who was a licensed naturopathic physician with a Ph.D. and a son. She had no connection to drugs or any lawlessness or sleaziness of any sort, being near forty and not the type. He excused the website on his computer and insisted that his friend ‘Sean’ had shown him the website.

I tried to break up with him several times. It took about a week. I had to change my number to get rid of his breathing calls, blocked by a private number, and he had told me that he expected me to return to him after I broke up with him permanently. He had attempted to dodge my efforts to leave the apartment and take a cab home but failed to succeed. He made many rude comments about women in general being golddiggers, sluts, moral failures, etc. which I did not care for. He once disappeared for five hours one night without suitable explanation and had left me in his apartment alone, and had then returned from an errand with a friend, gone to another woman’s apartment down the hallway for a drink and some flirting. I broke up with him over this and his sexual demands and obsessions, since he was obviously a sex addict who wasn’t capable of monogamy. I broke up with him three times over a week, due to his pushiness, manipulation, and constant calling.

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