The End Of A Relationship

Ending A Relationship

When you decide to end a relationship, the following may be difficult if the feelings are deeply rooted and the break is not a mutual decision.  A breakup is perhaps one of the hardest things to do, but on the other hand an unhappy relationship can fly for years and perhaps decades of your life; and when the end finally comes, you feel as though you’ve wasted a considerable amount of time and emotions. Here is a list of steps to do in the end of a relationship.

Things Have Gone Wrong In Your Relationship

Have things gone wrong in your relationship? You must first think about why you decided to breakup with that person.  If you’re simply angry against your partner, you should consider talking about what bothers you and you should focus on solving these problems rather than ending the relationship with your significant other. But if a conversation about the issues that bother you have already happened and nothing has taken place to change these issues for the better and you feel a sense of frustration, betrayal and/or failure then ending the relationship might be the only way to end your negative emotions.  Your partner will certainly ask what the reasons are for your decision to end the relationship.  You should give the answers to them for which they are looking for.  Doing this might give them one last opportunity to realize what they are causing you to feel and motivate them to help make the proper changes within the relationship.  Before making the decision to end a relationship with someone, you should discuss with someone in whom you trust to help you see whether or not you are being reasonable in your decision.

The Breakup Conversation

The conversation in which you break with that person can last much longer than expected, especially if your partner is completely devastated and surprised by your decision.  It would be much easier for you to have arguments and reasons prepared and do not let the conversation drag.  Expect to spend at least an hour to explain things to your partner, especially if the relationship lasted a year or more.  Unless the relationship ended because of cheating, abuse or some other malicious actions, you probably owe this painstaking conversation to your partner.

It may be easier to breakup with someone if you don’t have to look the person in the eye, but that can also be interpreted as cruel and cowardly.  Unless it is a long-distance relationship and you cannot wait until you see the new person should not give your partner this news via phone, e-mail, or an instant messenger.

If you do not live together, it would be wise to discuss your decision to breakup with your partner in their home or in a neutral area (not your home).  This way your partner feels safe enough to react emotionally – nobody wants to burst into tears in public or near family and friends.  Also, if you are at your partner’s home or another neutral area, you may leave whenever you feel necessary to do so.

If you live together, the break will be particularly difficult and stressful, you should have a place where you can stay until the person with whom you broke digest the big change. You can either move all your stuff, so they’re not home and then explode when they come home and notice, or breakup and leave some of your belongings with the intention to return for the rest of your possessions when things have calmed down (unless, of course, you feel things might get ugly). Anyway it will be very difficult for the other person, but you can only do what is best for you in this situation.

After Ending The Relationship

After giving them the bad news, you can expect one or all of the following reactions.

Questioning – Your partner will want to hear your arguments and whether he or she can do something to prevent a breakup. You should answer these questions as honestly as possible.

The other person will probably be disappointed and may burst into tears. You should be understanding with your partner, but understand that their reaction should not manipulate you if you are determined to break up with them.

Your partner can give you pros and cons, and tell you that they will change.  It should not be dragged into a fight or an argument.  You must make him or her understand that you will not change your decision.

If the person does not change when you have discussed your problems in the past, it is too late to hope that he or she will really change now that you’ve decided to leave the relationship.

Take time to think about your situation and learn more about yourself and all the things you’ve always wanted but you would not have done if you were still with this person. Now is the perfect time to focus on missed opportunities. Your ex may try to contact you, but some suggest waiting a period of six months before resuming contact with this person.  You felt very close to that person at a point in your life and you’ll probably always have a weakness for them, but it is time for you both to look to a future not necessarily shared.